It is time for A Chronic Voice linkup prompt post!

Here are May’s prompts

  • Pushing
  • Stretching
  • Disciplining
  • Preserving
  • Thanking

It is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month and Mental Illness Awareness Month. Both of which are important to me and I will be writing about this month.

I find the more we move into more pleasant weather the more I want to do things. More in the day. More Things. And I still have to do some really extreme pacing and a lot of rest. I have a hard time restraining that Spring time eagerness. But, unfortunately, that is the way it is.

Even as I push and strive, I must always pace and rest

Pushing

I have been pushing my limits lately by exercising. I want to exercise to regain some of the mobility I lost and some strength in my muscles. I am pushing a bit harder than I would normally and feeling the pain consequences of that because I noticed some exercise in the morning sort of shakes off some of my dizziness for a short time… and I like that feeling. So I want that.

And then end up exercising every day and my body can’t quite do that yet, for any duration. But I am pushing it to. And then give it a two day break every so often. Especially if I have a wicked morning migraine. And then back to just pushing those limits again. It isn’t bad to do exactly… it is just a Really painful way to go about getting to a level of exercise I can physically do.

I wouldn’t exactly recommend that to anyone with fibromyalgia because it is exactly what not to do and the pain was immense in the beginning- Until I found a way to do it in a way that balanced pain and still gave me this dizziness dampening. And that was my choice to do because it helped with a symptom that is extremely problematic but increases the pain- but I believed in the short term. So I could tolerate a short term increase in pain for Any benefit in vertigo symptoms.

Nevertheless, I must pace. I must rest. Any exercise comes with a cost.

Stretching

There is only so much I can do in a day. Only so much usable functional hours I can make use of. I try to wrangle as much as I can into it but by adding exercise and physical activity, I end up having to subtract something else.

I wish I could stuff so much into that time, but I just can’t. I end up doing less than I want to. As anyone can imagine with chronic illness it is impossible to plan or schedule any activities when I can only fit so much in there. It just doesn’t work. I can’t do things like that. I have to remind myself to be very flexible with my time. That sometimes there are days nothing will get done. I don’t keep track of how many days are like that these days because vertigo and pain just have a toll and there are times when you’re just laid out by them.

I cannot contort time. I have to focus on A Thing in a day. And be satisfied if I accomplish that Thing.

Disciplining

In addition to forming my exercise habit to maintain my muscles I have been trying to lose weight to get rid of my sleep apnea. The best way to do that is simple calorie control since I do little, I use little. So I am using an app my doctor recommended and keeping within a specific range of calories. And only eating within a certain time range of the day (no midnight snacking when I wake up for the 10th time).

It makes you think about what you eat for sure. I have never been one to count calories or do diets of any sort. Just try to eat well and not out of a box has always been my theory. But that damn vertigo did dramatically decrease my capacity to function and do anything at all and while I am trying to change that by doing physical activities that do not ‘aggravate it’ it is still very draining. And motion a massive trigger. So, yeah, reduce those calories.

Aside from my birthday where I ate my cake and it was yummy, damn it.

Anyway, I am slowly losing weight and while I wish it was faster I think it is healthy to lose it at a slow consistent pace. It is difficult to lose weight with hypothyroidism. It sort of resists it. But it will happen, one way or the other.

Preserving

I spend a lot of effort hoarding the small amount of time and energy I have each day to use it on things with the maximum value to me. To that end, I find myself reducing and reducing my social media time. It sucks time from me that I simply do not have that much of. Scrolling and reading do not seem like much effort but for my brain that is a whole lot of effort, all of which increase dizziness. And can be better spent on something more intentional and less mindless. Intentional social media interaction is different. Mindless scrolling though… I have really just cut that out.

Thanking

I am thankful I have an upcoming appointment with the vestibular clinic this week. It has been a long wait and I hope it wields some results and treatment. One can hope.

I am thankful I have the motivation to be purposeful and intent in my goals and actions within the confines of my limitations. It is difficult to achieve a goal when there is really limited time and energy in my day at the moment. But pretty determined regardless.

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Other prompt link-up posts

April
March
February

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6 thoughts on “Even as I push and strive, I must always pace and rest

  1. The frustration is too real. I have so much I want to do & I’m not good at pacing. So pain. I’m with you on the exercise, pushing a little harder right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exercise is such a hard balance to maintain. I want to push but too far and that is a mistake. Too little and feel like no progress is being made.

      Like

  2. Hi Nikki! I wish I had more time to spend visiting your site because you always have great content! I feel the same each spring. The ‘want/need’ to do a bit more now that better weather is here is a strong force to reckon with. Pacing is so important, and like you, I make sure I take my rest days and pace properly. This year I’m thankful because I seem to have a little more energy and my AS meds are working, which means I’m not so stiff. Being slow and steady for five months, I’ve managed to bring my step count up slightly and I’m thrilled. It feels like a huge amount even though it isn’t.

    Like you, I’ve reduced my time on social media because I’d rather read or write. Plus social media often stresses me out. Hope you are taking good care!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, social media stresses me out as well and I always feel like I could have been, well, reading or writing instead of all that scrolling. lol So it is nice to just reduce that a lot.

      Like

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