Time for A Chronic Voice link-up prompts

Prompts

  • Ageing
  • Suffering
  • Transforming
  • Navigating
  • Visualizing
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Text: It's July? Wow. Pandemic life sure does fly
It’s July? Already? Pandemic life sure does fly when you’re doing absolutely nothing

It’s Canada Day today! Alberta is fully re-opening today as well but I don’t expect I’ll be jumping in to do anything for Canada Day. Bit too soon for me. I am double vaccinated though, as is my spouse. But the advice is for people with a lot of health conditions, even if double vaccinated, is to avoid crowded areas due to the Delta strain and the fact that a large portion of the population isn’t double vaccinated yet and we only have 71% with one vaccine (which is good but not awesome). So it is best to be cautious for a bit. And they are not sure how this more infectious strain will be yet as it could lead to issues in the fall. So… keeping it chill for now.

We are going through a heatwave here and Canadians are not well equipped to deal with such high temperatures. We recently got an air-conditioner by renting it when we rented our water tank (Sort of cool you can rent those things since it made it way more affordable). And it has made this heat a lot more tolerable for me. Usually high heat means no sleep and extremely high intensity for migraine attacks and often extreme nausea with them as well.

Ageing

I’ve always felt older than I am physically. But the older I actually get the more confusing it gets. I begin to wonder what normal people my age actually feel like. What is normal to feel like. Obviously, when I was younger pain and fatigue and such were definitely Not normal. Now though I wonder if some sort of aches and pains and such must be somewhat normal? Who knows? It is all normal to me now.

I don’t worry about looking old. I have never been the sort of person that worries about that sort of thing. But I do worry about ageing in the sense of Functionality. I want to maintain functionality and I really worry based on now if I will be able to do that. It concerns me a great deal. I am now trying to think of things I have to do now that will help me as I get older.

Although really with the pandemic it seems like we are all in some sort of time bubble where nothing really changes or does much of anything really. Do these years even count? I’m not sure they do. Time flies and, yet, moves infinitely slow at the same time.

Suffering

It has been a rough year so yeah, been suffering. But I try not to focus on that aspect of things too much. It does seem to be really fatiguing lately and that concerns me a bit. Sometimes it is hard to say whether that fatigue is from pain, the vertigo or whether I am in a bit of a funk. So I may have to see if I can try and shake that off.

I am just not really that functional and that sort of is difficult to deal with really. And tiring. It is already July and it feels like another year is just slipping through the cracks. I want to enjoy the summer now that we will be able to be Among the People again and yet I have so very little stamina to actually Do things. I am not really sure that will be happening. If it does it will be one hell of an effort on my part.

Transforming

I find with chronic pain and illness I have a hell of a time with consistent motivation. I try to sustain a plan of action but then pain, fatigue and other symptoms flare and that interrupts the momentum. I start over. Same thing happens. I start over. Same thing. And eventually I really have a hell of a time motivating myself. Sometimes because a flare-up lasts for a longer duration and getting going after that is a lot harder. And also because with chronic pain motivation is just harder to maintain because our reward system is wonky… so often I don’t feel like I am even getting anywhere anyway. So at the moment I am not really transforming anything. I am just resting.

Navigating

It is strange that we have been in this pandemic world for well over a year and now the province is fully opening up. I am a bit wary about it. I am fully vaccinated, yes, but everyone else isn’t yet. 71% of the province does have 1 vaccine shot. And 30% has 2 shots. That does inspire some confidence but not enough for me to jump into crowded situations with no one wearing masks.

Also sort of in that introverted hibernation state you get into when you have spent way too much alone time such that you are reluctant to actually socialize. Because it will likely be awkward all over again. And all the isolation means I got into a lot of hobbies and you sort of get used to that again. But I want to get out and about, just at the very same time, I Also want to snuggle into the couch with a good book.

Visualizing

I spend a lot of time visualizing a whole lot of things since I am a writer. Many of them are completely fictional though. But sometimes I think about when I will finally get to that vestibular rehabilitation and what that will be like. How much I will improve or maybe completely resolve the issue. What that will be like.

From what I have heard there isn’t 100% improvement. There can be a great reduction but it will always be there and you pretty much always have to do the exercises to keep it at bay. Some people say certain things can then flare it up severely again depending on triggers. So I get that it is complicated. Nevertheless, I look forward to better functionality.

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11 thoughts on “It’s July? Wow. Pandemic life sure does fly

  1. I was frustrated with vestibular therapy cause they were trying to increase my cardio too, which is just a plain trigger for me and causes a whole slew of other things. I hope it works for you and you have great sessions with great therapists.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah people with migraines have told me that VRT is a trigger either way so that does not sound like that part is going to be fun at all. And it also takes a long time to take effect. But I just want some sort of improvement at this point

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      1. It did make me feel more in control. I only did it for a handful of months, probably should have done it longer. But the information about my own body and that I can stop the activity that is setting off the vertigo, that made me feel more in control after awhile.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate on so many levels. I am at an age when the pain starts to creep in and I don’t know if my pains are part of my condition or just part of getting old. Also, we are opening up our Country again, despite there being a big surge in Covid cases, it doesn’t seem to matter because people are not dying. I could still get very sick from Covid despite being double vaccinated, so yeah, no thanks. I wonder what life would be like if I could get better, I don’t suppose I’ll ever give up hope. I hope you get your Vestibular rehabilitation soon and that you see some success with it.

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  3. I really hope your vestibular rehab is helpful! I know my sister did some after her first brain injury and she found it helpful. It’s challenging sometimes to manage things – and I’m with you on the aging thing – I’m really tired of the “Is it FND or something else?” game, especially since either answer is a bit of a loser. If it’s FND, there’s no treatment, and if it’s NOT FND, then I’ve got something completely different to contend with!

    I’ve been going out a bit – but if I’m in any kind of crowded space, I’m wearing a mask, and I do my best to mostly be doing outdoor activities if there is much by way of crowding. My partner and I are both fully vaccinated, as are most of our family members.

    I’m concerned about the delta varient(and likely future varients) as well, but trying to use this time to get a breath of fresh air, see some folks I care about, and enjoy time with vaccinated friends!

    Hope thing stabilize for you and that you can find some activities to enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand the concern with the delta variant and future ones. It does seem like we are going to have to contend with these issues for some time. So I am pretty sure I will be thinking about wearing my mask in certain situations as well. Even though I am also fully vaccinated now as is my family.

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  4. I started the therapy and then I had to move. The therapist initially tried to fix my crystals, which helped. A year later, I’ve had a few rounds of vertigo and feel it starting again. I will start my exercises and look up a new therapist. I hope yours is very helpful!

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  5. I hear you! We are experiencing summer weather here in the UK, and while it is still not warm enough for most people, it is more than I can cope with and we don’t have air conditioning in our homes over here. The heat dries up my eyes even more (if that’s possible) so I end up being grumpy and fed up because I can’t see to do anything. I am hiding out inside with all the doors and windows open. We are opening up England next week, which I am glad about but also a little anxious. I just had my second vaccination today so at least I’m protected as well as I can be. Let’s see how we get on over summer…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I completely relate to your feelings on rejoining the world after quarantine. We have about the same vaccination rates in my area, and I just don’t feel safe enough to get out there and mingle. I’m on meds that suppress my immune system too, and medical professionals haven’t been very clear on whether I’m protected or not, so I’m just staying in until that’s clearer.

    Good luck with your vestibular therapy when you start it! I hope it gives you improvement with minimal side effects.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I can totally relate to your reflection on momentum and motivation – it is so hard to keep going and remain motivated when a flare hits! I also love that you’re taking the time to rest—there is sometimes so much societal pressure to be moving in a certain direction/towards a certain goal, but in reality, resting in just as important 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, resting is just as important. Society has this idea that productivity is the only thing of value for some reason that we should feel guilty for any rest. It is such nonsense.

      Liked by 1 person

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