It’s Canada Day today! Alberta is fully re-opening today as well but I don’t expect I’ll be jumping in to do anything for Canada Day. Bit too soon for me. I am double vaccinated though, as is my spouse. But the advice is for people with a lot of health conditions, even if double vaccinated, is to avoid crowded areas due to the Delta strain and the fact that a large portion of the population isn’t double vaccinated yet and we only have 71% with one vaccine (which is good but not awesome). So it is best to be cautious for a bit. And they are not sure how this more infectious strain will be yet as it could lead to issues in the fall. So… keeping it chill for now.
We are going through a heatwave here and Canadians are not well equipped to deal with such high temperatures. We recently got an air-conditioner by renting it when we rented our water tank (Sort of cool you can rent those things since it made it way more affordable). And it has made this heat a lot more tolerable for me. Usually high heat means no sleep and extremely high intensity for migraine attacks and often extreme nausea with them as well.
I’ve always felt older than I am physically. But the older I actually get the more confusing it gets. I begin to wonder what normal people my age actually feel like. What is normal to feel like. Obviously, when I was younger pain and fatigue and such were definitely Not normal. Now though I wonder if some sort of aches and pains and such must be somewhat normal? Who knows? It is all normal to me now.
I don’t worry about looking old. I have never been the sort of person that worries about that sort of thing. But I do worry about ageing in the sense of Functionality. I want to maintain functionality and I really worry based on now if I will be able to do that. It concerns me a great deal. I am now trying to think of things I have to do now that will help me as I get older.
Although really with the pandemic it seems like we are all in some sort of time bubble where nothing really changes or does much of anything really. Do these years even count? I’m not sure they do. Time flies and, yet, moves infinitely slow at the same time.
It has been a rough year so yeah, been suffering. But I try not to focus on that aspect of things too much. It does seem to be really fatiguing lately and that concerns me a bit. Sometimes it is hard to say whether that fatigue is from pain, the vertigo or whether I am in a bit of a funk. So I may have to see if I can try and shake that off.
I am just not really that functional and that sort of is difficult to deal with really. And tiring. It is already July and it feels like another year is just slipping through the cracks. I want to enjoy the summer now that we will be able to be Among the People again and yet I have so very little stamina to actually Do things. I am not really sure that will be happening. If it does it will be one hell of an effort on my part.
I find with chronic pain and illness I have a hell of a time with consistent motivation. I try to sustain a plan of action but then pain, fatigue and other symptoms flare and that interrupts the momentum. I start over. Same thing happens. I start over. Same thing. And eventually I really have a hell of a time motivating myself. Sometimes because a flare-up lasts for a longer duration and getting going after that is a lot harder. And also because with chronic pain motivation is just harder to maintain because our reward system is wonky… so often I don’t feel like I am even getting anywhere anyway. So at the moment I am not really transforming anything. I am just resting.
It is strange that we have been in this pandemic world for well over a year and now the province is fully opening up. I am a bit wary about it. I am fully vaccinated, yes, but everyone else isn’t yet. 71% of the province does have 1 vaccine shot. And 30% has 2 shots. That does inspire some confidence but not enough for me to jump into crowded situations with no one wearing masks.
Also sort of in that introverted hibernation state you get into when you have spent way too much alone time such that you are reluctant to actually socialize. Because it will likely be awkward all over again. And all the isolation means I got into a lot of hobbies and you sort of get used to that again. But I want to get out and about, just at the very same time, I Also want to snuggle into the couch with a good book.
I spend a lot of time visualizing a whole lot of things since I am a writer. Many of them are completely fictional though. But sometimes I think about when I will finally get to that vestibular rehabilitation and what that will be like. How much I will improve or maybe completely resolve the issue. What that will be like.
From what I have heard there isn’t 100% improvement. There can be a great reduction but it will always be there and you pretty much always have to do the exercises to keep it at bay. Some people say certain things can then flare it up severely again depending on triggers. So I get that it is complicated. Nevertheless, I look forward to better functionality.