I was really lagging into the new year. I’m not sure why but maybe it is just that the holidays seem to take a toll on me for whatever reason. Either way, I was exhausted. So I needed some serious downtime. But it could have just been the additional dizziness and vertigo I have been having – as that seriously wipes me out. Added to the extreme weather and the massive amount of additional pain that brings on. So there are those factors that sort of make a person have added fatigue and need some extra rest. So rest I did. Today I had some extra energy which was nice.
Unfortunately, after I finished my vestibular rehabilitation I only experienced a brief period where it stayed at that slightly improved state before it started to reverse back. It wasn’t much of an improvement to begin with and I wasn’t satisfied with that limited amount of improvement but I thought I could build on it. So really not pleased it going backwards. I am trying to pick the exercises back up full speed to get back to that slightly improved state again but it seems like I will have to do those exercises all the damn time to just have that slight improvement.
The dawning of the new year is mostly frustrating this year. We are in the fifth wave of the pandemic here… I have almost lost count, to be honest. It just keeps going and going. I got my booster shot not that it means anything. Unless other countries have access to vaccines to be able to vaccinate their populations once or twice then variants are inevitable. So this is just going to go on and on and on. Just seems inevitable that most of us will get it. I just heard that my best friend’s son has COVID and they are all quarantined right now. He is doubled vaccinated and young so I am not worried he will get too sick. It is just worrisome that something like 20% gets long-COVID symptoms… and that is what I worry about. I wouldn’t wish the sort of pain and symptoms I have on anyone.
I have made a flexible sort of map for the year of projects I want to get done. A really flexible plan given my overall health lately requires so much rest and a lot of pacing… but I do have some specific goals. I may be disabled but I definitely still need goals to keep me interested and my brain working at things. If I don’t my mood tanks and that is a horrible thing indeed. So keeping myself as busy as I am capable of is very healthy for me mentally and emotionally. It is good to have goals any way you look at it.
I don’t know, but it seems like I am constantly redefining my goals and desires… because I am constantly redefining what is possible and what isn’t possible for me right now. And I would like more to be possible, of course, but it isn’t the case so I take what I can get. That isn’t a bad thing. I don’t measure my life on how productive I am to society. Or the standards society has. Or in monetary values. I measure it often on how content I am with how much mental stimulation I can get… how interested I am in what I am doing… If I can express my creativity in the ways I want to… If I can grow in the ways I want to. I despise stagnation. So if I can remain mentally active that is pretty vital for me.